Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

I just keep hitting that button. That curved arrow. Again and again. The same song playing, running through my earphones, charging into my brain. It’s not even a fun, up beat, cheerful song. It’s slow. It tells a story I have never experienced. Yet this song speaks to me, I could listen all day. “Spinning you ’round and ’round in circles” . I don’t listen to country on my free time. But here I am. Right now even, I’m listening. And why? Why can’t I get enough of this song? This song that has nothing pertaining to my life right now? Why must I just lay here and listen? Normally I could think for awhile and come up with some answer that a normal 15 year old wouldn’t. But I don’t want to. I don’t want to tear apart a song and decipher why I like it so much. I do that all too often. I think too much. I speak too much. I need to just listen, sit back and listen. Watch for a little while. Hold all judgments back, keep opinions to myself. Just let life be life. Let myself be a teenage girl who doesn’t know all the answers, because even though that scares the hibbie-gebies out of me, I can’t expect myself to always know why. To always know what to say. I can only expect myself to accept myself. But that can be just as hard as knowing all the answers.

I could sit here and try to explain that last sentence, tell you that for me the path to accepting is knowing the answers. Tell you that for me to accept myself I need to reach this impossible standard of perfection. But that’s not entirely true. Sure knowing the answers and the facts help but I am still sometimes going to be oblivious to the world around me. Acceptance of anything happens one step at a time, not all at once. So this is especially tricky when it comes to ourselves, because we change in a daily basis. Sometimes it feels  we take 2 steps forward 3 steps back. Again and again. So what. So what we aren’t perfect. So what we can’t master the strange and difficult task of acceptance. We are trying, people get places by trying. So, we’re gettin’ places. I don’t know where, or when but we are gettin’ there, and once we are there a new task will meet us at the door. Flying 90 m/h straight in the gut. And you know what? We will keep going. Why? We are just like this song. We:

Repeat

Repeat

Repeat.

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