Just a few words.

Homework strewn about, laptop screaming some overly cheesy love songs, and my heart full of motivation. I sit at my desk, comfortable in the chaos. Feeling like a magician with all the tricks I had up my sleeve. Fun stationery and sharpies. Words and secrets. I was ignoring my world in hopes of making someone else’s a little better, a little sweeter.

My black sharpie hit the paper and motivation poured out as water pours out of Niagara falls. Fast and hard, almost too much to take. The words fit together, held hands, weird and awkward, yet perfect and inspirational. They fit. The words I needed someone to tell me were staring me in the face. They said ” You don’t need someone to tell you these, you need to tell them to others. Don’t let other people dictate your life. Don’t need their approval. Approve for others. Help others. Your call is for others.” These words were raw. They were bare. My heart sat on the cardstalk in front of me, and there was no going back. I decorated the envelope and dropped the letter in my purse. Those words were sent on mission impossible. They were on their way to change the world of teenage girls and for the better. To make them think more of themselves because they are worth it. They are so worth it.

Desensing down the steps the next morning I had my heart hitting my side. Bump, bump bump. The words someone would read today no one had ever heard from me before. It felt as though a ticking time bomb was sitting an waiting to go KABOOM and tell the world how I really felt. Soon I could make someone’s day, or crush my little spirit. Since when did innocent feelings feel like poison?

All day I looked for the perfect opportunity to drop my bomb. Tick, Tick, Tick. Is there ever a right time to just let a little piece of you go? Just set it down and walk away? Probably never see it again? No, not really. But the moment I came to terms with the fact I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. Other girls had to sympathize with me. In all reality all it is just words. Just 26 letters combined to mean something to me. They may mean nothing to anyone else. I think that is what was so scary. I was worried my feelings weren’t valid. I was the only one. Little did I know that in a world of 7 billion people that is quite impossible. So I dropped it off. In that big stall. On the toilet paper dispenser. Then I walked out as nothing had just happened.

Two hours later, sitting in the car, twitter open. I see my words. There they are. They found their way back to me. A tweet consisted of an exact sentence from my letter. Someone agreed with me. I made a difference. The emojis by that sentence resembled two hands facing out agreeing with whatever I had said. Me saying my feelings were valid, they validated someone else’s. My words. My thoughts. My heart. My difference. Scrolling down further I find a picture of my note. 9 favorites. 4 retweets. A couple replies. This worked. Somehow I made someone feel as though they were worth it. I gave someone the courage to say “Hey. I am more than the rumors. I am more than society’s image of me. I am a work of art, a piece being enhanced everyday. An unfinished product. I am loved by someone who doesn’t even know me just because I am me.” The feeling I had was like no other. I made a difference. Do you know what that feels like?

 

To see girls except the words of a stranger was great. They have no idea it was me. It could have been the “weird” girl sitting in the corner etching some pretty amazing sketches in the corner of her paper. It could have been little Miss popular with the perfect hair and dainty hand writing. Or it could have been that girl everyone passes in the hallway. Letting her mind her own business lost in a million thoughts. I bonded with strangers. Now I look around and act as though every girl has read one of my letters. Agreed with it. Kept it. Shared it. I have a secret little bond with people now. One they don’t even know about. All thanks to that little piece of cardstalk covered in words.

 

HOW.

 

How??

This is a question we ask ourselves on a regular basis. How do I make that work into my schedule? How do I answer that? How do I live my life in the eyes of others?

OK so that last one may not pop in your head all the time but shouldn’t it? Or maybe not? I am always torn between not caring what others think of me and yet caring a little too much. I see the faults in both of these. Not caring about what others think could lead to me being rude and becoming self centered but yet caring too much could leave me relying on other people’s approval. I don’t need other’s approval on how I live my life but I still need these people to keep me grounded. How on earth do I keep it all balanced? And how do I balance out what everyone around me is saying? How do I stay meek but not become a wall flower?

This question has sat on my mind for a good week. It has left an imprint in my mind. There is an indention from this question. How do I be meek but stay strong in all I believe in? Meekness has such a negative connotation and why? I have no clue. It is something we all should strive to be, I mean right? But what comes to my mind when someone is called meek is that they are walked all over and don’t take a stand for anything they believe in. They stand on the outside. But soon I came to the realization that being meek is none of these things, actually it is quite the opposite. Being meek is standing for what you believe in the LITTLE ways. That is where the little comes in. It comes by actions, not personality. Meekness is not physically or mentally being small, but it is living and bring joy to people’s everyday life in the small ways, the ways no one notices. That is why the Bible tells us to be meek. Not to be walked over, not to be told what to do. But to live in a way that our actions may not be huge but where they make a difference. A way where are actions are not seen by those around us, they are almost invisible. One of my all time favorite quotes is by Mother Theresa ” We can do no great things, only small things in great love.”

Can I just leave it at that?

Love, hugs, and many smiles- Molly.

Crazyness aka our life

AHH! It has been what? Over a week…yikes…sorry ’bout that! Life has been a wee bit, well, crazy. We are going up and down and all around. As we leave the house we are always saying “hey Mom I need this for that!” or ” Molly don’t forget whatever.” and the infamous ” Do you have any tests today?!”. As the mid-term roles around the stress levels build, and build, and build. Life gets a little crazier and crazier and crazier everyday. When we stop and take a breath it is like we don’t know what to do with ourselves and those 20 minuets of freedom. I, personally, have gotten used to taking so much or listening to others talk quiet bugs me. Mom is well…quite the opposite. Haha not much that we are opposite in but hey I’m a teenager I can’t be just  like my mom! Haha. But as I said we don’t know what to do with down time. Granted right now if I have downtime it means I am forgetting to do something…oops…  Yet we need these few minuets to get our barrings and calm down let the stress evaporate and just breath. Like today, no joke it was like 72 degrees and sunny. Uh please and thank you! Normally I do my homework right after school and just get it done but today I grabbed some pretzels went out to the deck, sat in the sun, and called my friend. Sure I brought my backpack out with me,and yes the conversation barley lasted 15 minuets before she had to get ready for volleyball, but I took the time to forget about the 2 hours of homework I had. To forget about hat dance we are performing Saturday and just finished last night. I took the time to enjoy myself. Yay! I think the good weather brought this out in all of us today. When I finished my homework Mom had just gotten back from a walk and Maureen was reading a book. Quiet and relaxing. Then, our families official sign of spring happened. We open the front door and the door to the deck. Next Pandora is turned on and when Sweet Caroline comes on who can resist that dance and sing a long party that is bound to break out? Not us for sure!! A salad was made, lemonade was stirred, our plates overfilled with color and all felt right in the world. This is why I love spring.  The nice weather makes us take a step away from the crazy hustle and bustle and just…smell the roses.

Hugs and Love- Molly

People

There are those people who you don’t remember meeting, they have just always been there. Those people often feel like family, whether you see them everyday or once a week or once a year, you are just always comfortable around them. They know you like the back of their hand and vice versa. I was thinking about this the other day. The majority of my close friends I have known for over half my life, granted I am 14 so that isn’t very long, but for me it is. I met 2 of my very best friends when I started pre school, do I remember meeting them? No. Do I remember pre-school at all? Vaguely. I remember a few things with these girls when I was that young, but not much else. My other 2 best friends I remember meeting them but it is not clear as day. I remember I met them in dance and I was 5 and our teacher yelled at us a lot. I remember that I kept going back because I wanted to see my friends. Friends who, even at age 5, I knew were going to be like family. I chose them at age 5. At age 3. Now sure I’m sure my parents had an influence on this too but still. Cool isn’t it? At such a young age we choose people that are going to shape us in to the humans we become. Adults too, now my parents chose what adults were going to hang around me and most of them are still in my life and I have no clue what it would be like with out them. People are amazing. It is amazing that I may have nothing in common with someone but yet I love them as family. It is amazing that just a persons presents can influence you. Soon these people’s traits become your treats too. Like the way my Nana hugs, she hugs you and then when she is about to let go she squeezes you a little tighter ( they are the best hugs), just the other day someone told me I do that and I laughed to myself thinking, “It really is the little things isn’t it?”. I could be the way you say something, pajamas with a long a or short a. The way you think is even influenced by those around you, if they think half empty, you may fall into the same pattern. I don’t notice the traits that I carry on until someone points them out. It makes you think though. How have I influenced those around me? Do others pick things up from me? Am I being a good influence or bad? I am so lucky to be surround by so many amazing people that have made me into a person I am happy with and I just hope that I can someday do the same for others, I hope that today I do the same for others. 

Love and hugs- Molly