Happy Spring! Honestly it is kinda weird to say that in March but hey when there are multiple days of 65+ in a row I believe the statement is deserved! Also happy belated St. Paddy’s Day!! Hope your day was full of gold coins, celebrations and Irish dancers! We have had a CRAZY weekend and are slightly sad its over (ok maybe its just me who’s down in the dumps) but this year was for sure one of the best! Saturday we danced in a smaller parade and on stage with my favorite band the Elders and let me tell you that was one of the most fun nights EVER! And when we were off stage we were front stage…what? Yep mom and I fist pumped in a mosh pit to some Irish rock. Normal? Nope. Fun? Heck ya!
Tuesday was the one day a year we can walk around in full wig and skirt without being look at weird….not. The amount of people trying to take “sneaky” photos of me and running away was comical. But hey memories right?! Anyway we danced in the Kansas City parade (5th largest in the country if I do say so) and then partied it up with some family friends that are more family than friends! St. Patrick’s day has become more than a day to wear green and party it up, it is a day to share talents as entertainment, be with friends, and celebrate or heritage.
Today I’m back in normal clothes and make-up and have an interview with a home for recovering woman. Fun life is over back to work (err volunteering?). Ugh. But hey sunshine ahead!!
You can not honestly tell me there is not a person in your life that every time you are with them you think “Wow. This person is pretty dang awesome. I even feel like a better person just by being close with you. Wow.” You could call this person role model, mentor, friend, idol, but I call this person Nana. Today is her birthday and I know she reads every single one of these and loves it. So I was thinking on how to say HAPPY BIRTHDAY in a creative way and what better than tell you all about her?! This woman is strong. She has endured many a hardship and always seems to come out bettered by them. She has taught me and my cousins how to love unconditionally and that family is there for the long haul. She is the picture of class and elegance in every way. Her laugh makes you feel happy and seeing her upset makes you just want to encase her in a hug that never ends. HUGS YOU HAVE NEVER FELT A HUG LIKE HERS. It’s one of those that is super tight at first loosens just a smig and then one final tight squeeze in the end, talk about feeling loved! I think that is one of the greatest things I’ve learned from her, to love like there is no tomorrow and squeeze your people tight, to pray for them as if they were already headed to hell but in the same breath let them know they are expected to be in heaven sitting right there with her. Her love for us all is inspiring. When I said this lady was strong you don’t understand what I mean. My grandfather past away this July and still talking and thinking about him gets me all chocked up. My Nana was married to him for 50 years, and I only knew him for 15. This was the first major loss for most of my family and it hit hard and close to home Nana handled it all and was the glue to our family through out the entire processes and continues to be through this first year. I pray that I may someday have the strength, patients, love and class she does.
So I am literally laying in bed thinking about this FABULOUS weekend and how I CANT WAIT until summer. And yes those emotions must be in all caps to properly display my feelings. This weekend my sister and mom escaped for her 14th birthday and left the rest of us in the dust..bummer? Really though they had fun and were missed but let’s be real. Pee wee Sherman and shopping went down up in here and there are ZERO complaints! Saturday my confirmation sponsor and I went out for lunch and prayed for the unborn babies (in 72 degree weather-– God really is good!). Sunday (aka today) Maeve and I went shopping and I was told I was a pretty darn cool big sister.
She discovered sweet tea and J. crew. And I now own a pencil skirt. Sorry not sorry?
As you know (maybe maybe not) my sisters and I are Irish dancers (WHAT THOSE THINGS ARE REAL I THOUGHT THEY WERE EXTINCT!) these past few and upcoming weeks have been crazy:: full of practices, lipstick, and wigs. Today we had out final run through for the biggest performances of the weekend and let me tell you tensions were high! Today cuts were made, line ups finalized, and tears shed (not from the Burns clan though!) I am happy to say all 3 of us girls made it and our studio will be showcasing 2 new dances!! Fun times!!
Lastly form this full of fun weekend I applied for the Woman’s Foundation’s Board of Young Leaders. Say what. Ya, I know. All I know foe sure is that there is a group interview within this month! But hey figured that would be a good way to say:: HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMAN’S DAY! To all you powerful chicks out there–we are the future, am I right?
On that note good luck to you all finishing this last week before spring break and if you’re on it now party hard (with Jesus of course, can I get an Amen?)!
….well not really but ya’ feel me.
Every year deciding what to give up and what I will do further my relationship with Christ is a serious struggle. I always end up giving something superficial up and calling it good, but this year I’m trying something new. Now I am still giving up something, bye bye bread for the next 40 (+4) days, but I am also doing what I call 40 days of meaning. For the next 40 days I will take a picture of something I deem meaningful. It could be a bible verse or a cup of coffee, anything that made me smile or thankful. My extra challenge with this little photo hunt I’m on is to make sure not everything is fun and happy because often the things that make the most meaningful impacts are negative. Bummer right? But for every negative yet meaningful moment there is a positive impact. And Lent is a perfect example of this. What happened to our man Jesus was a little (ok a whole lot) more than just a bummer, yet see the positive impact? Besides the pastel colors and Easter eggs, even besides the Resurrection (I am NOT down playing the Resurrection, the man rose for the dead——how on earth do you downplay that???), the impact Jesus’ suffering and passion made on humanity for the rest of eternity is pretty dang fabulous. I mean a perfect man saw His life inferior to ours, and because of this His life will forever be superior. So this year I will unite my suffering with Christ and put meaning behind my lack of bread and many photographs. This lent I search for meaning in Christ and meaning in the little things in life.
Sending you Love and Hugs
ps:: check our Instagram for some of my meaningful moments!
It’s a freezing cold Monday and though I am trying to break myself of an extreme coffee addiction I pour a cup and grab a breakfast bar and jump in the car REALLY wishing it was a snow day. Across campus I trudge reminding myself how fortunate I am and to count my blessing, not disregard them as punishments.
Good Morning Ms. Lopez!
I say as I drop my dance bag off knowing I won’t see my house until at least 7:30 that night. Up 2 more flights of stairs to Adv world lit where I sit torn between modernism and post modernism. The man who teaches the class has a DR in law and in education, so he argues the points back and forth with himself opening it up to the peanut gallery with 15 minuets left. There are a whole lot of questions and very few answers.
On to Period 2 back down those flights of steps and to Spanish. From the moment I walk in that door until the moment I walk out no English will be spoken. Oedipus Rex is left at the door right next to a pile of “OMG!s” and “did you see her tweet?! I mean my gosh!”. Silence besides our little esponal teacher explaining and unknown concept in another language. And that is when the knot comes. The one that pulls tights against my chest and overcomes my whole body. I tense up and start scribble lists down.
The list grows and grows and all that happens is I get more and more overwhelmed and all I can think about is that bag packed in the corner. The one that is keeping me away from home but yet brings me so much relaxation. All day I struggle to go and teach dance or go home and study and do homework. Finally when my list has exceeded the length of my paper I text my mom having her make the decision for me. Honestly what would I do without her? I knew what her answer would be, I knew what I should do but I just couldn’t make the call myself. So home at 5:30 and doing homework until 11. And in 6.5 hours I’m waking up to do it again.
But tomorrow I plan to leave the trudging at home. I will leave the idea of doubt in bed. The knot that consumes me on the daily will be tied in a bow and left in place of my uniform. Tomorrow I will ace the morality test. I will understand the subjunctive. Geometry will not pull my hair out. Tomorrow I will find the good in my education and be proud of the stress. I will acknowledged the grounds I am receiving the gift of schooling on and I will pray for women around that world that someday they may trudge and doubt and sit at a desk doing hours of work on top of the hours of school. Because I am fortunate to experience it now I pray they will complain one day too.
Type eeeeerrrrrrraaaaaassssssseeeeee, type, back it up, type, redo.
It’s never quite right. My words feel scattered and unorganized, my mind flipping back to that test I thought I was ready for but am now feeling the pressing need to cram. The quiz I have practiced for yet am scared to walk into the classroom for. The idea and concept that each day I go from information pod to information pod leaving with a tad but more knowledge just to be smothered by the completely unrelated topic I am learning about in the next room. I get homework that reminds me of the idea or scares me of the thought that I may have just learned nothing and/or it was just squish squashed by the thoughts and concepts put in my head by the next teacher. Reminders such as breath make the weight of the idea that I am behind or wasting some teachers (and mine for that matter) time a little lighter. I just get his over whelming feeling that from each classroom i leave ideas incomplete, questions unanswered, and concepts to be forgotten so that I may try and push 40 minuets of information into my brain over and over again. Is there any possible way I am actually making progress or am I just fooling myself here. Is it normal I don’t remember if I took notes in Adv World Lit or had another debate…now what did we debate about…did I forget to take notes on something…is that post it for this class or that one…..
Sometimes I drop off the face of the earth…sorry ‘bout that. But this time I didn’t, I had to make a list about my to do list. You know the final draft of the to do list, the one thats put in order of priorities and sometimes even categorized to the different sections of my life? Ya, that to do list. Unfortunately that to do list even looks messy. It starts off all in a line, in order, but as I go I remember things I have to do and just throw them down, then the crossing off comes in and there are lines everywhere notes on what still needs to be done and why. The point of me telling you this is that I’m not meaning to leave you high and dry but this falls between make tomorrow’s lunch and pinterest. For real though I wish I had more time for you.
There really aren’t enough hours in a day. Yesterday for example. 6 am my alarm screams pulling me from that fabulous thing called sleep. The there’s that whole school thing–7 hrs later I sit on the side of a road cheering on our Cross Country team. From there to dance (I’m tellin’ you all there is no better feeling than when a kid you teach catches on to a movement/ dance and gets excited about it with you. Ahg I could do that all night!) And all too soon, it’s over. I get home for the first time in 13 hours around 7:30 eat dinner and disappear to do homework, look up and to see that PM is now AM, I cut my losses and get some sleep. 5:30—time to do it again! Pour the tea or coffee or honestly any caffeinated beverage and let’s do this thang.
No, I don’t have much downtime but I appreciate that sweet time when I’ve got it! I have learned to appreciate caffeine in its truest form–black coffee, and messy buns are simply protocol. Lists are a necessity otherwise something will be left out. Even with them not everything gets done. I’ve learned how to say no to extra jobs (I mean kinda…) and pencils are great for erasing. Somedays I most definitely feel like play doh being pulled and stretched and rolled so thin that I get that hole smack dab in the middle but I roll back up and come out whole.
My mom’s friend told me to “Seek to be whole, not perfect.”. Well, I’m a whole lot of a little bit of everything, perfect not being one of them but it’s all a learning experience. No one can learn how to live my days for me, no one can say how I learn best but me. So I will learn to live my days using all but 6 hours for sleep (that’s my goal somedays it more or less but sleep rolls over doesn’t it? Oh it doesn’t? Opps..). They say it takes 20 days to create a habit, but life isn’t a habit– no 2 days are alike. So we adjust and deal.
I like cute coffee mugs.
I like calendars and polka dots.
I like books but I hate just sitting and reading.
I like ideas and creativity.
I like white but I love color.
I like summer but always look forward to fall.
I consider myself an extrovert yet I am terrible at starting conversations.
I contradict myself more than anything. Anything.
And yet I still love what I love. I don’t change myself to adapt to the other things I like. So what my favorite color is pink but I wear mainly blue? Who cares if that coffee mug is here just for me to look at? Yes, I do laugh at myself. No I’m not sorry. A year ago I would apologize for getting excited about something no one else really cared about, this year I’m owning up to it. Last year I would change for not just others but for my own confirmation, now not so much. I am a little odd. I tweet a little too much. I giggle in awkward situations. My mood changes from day to night in 23.5 seconds. I wear sweatshirts in the middle of summer. My bathroom is almost never clean but my calendar is color coordinated. I love being sassy but feel slightly guilty when I am. Cliche sayings are my favorite. Taylor Swift has entered my life for the 3rd time. I jump around and sing and dance for no reason. I fangirl side stage before performing. I am competitive and I take things quite literally. I don’t need anyone’s permission to do these things or feel that way. There is no mandatory parent signature at the bottom of the page. It is my own approval. So if I want to go play imaginary games then I am going to (I’m not but I could if I wanted.) There is no deadline to get my approval in because odds are it’s going to change…constantly..maybe every 23.5 seconds. But I never have to be set on who I am detail for detail, as long as I follow the outline I set up for myself I am in the clear. I can and will change. I can and will be who I want to be in the moment. I can and will be me. And the “me” I am can and will change and it can and will break the laws of self acceptance. I will be crazy, I will be tapping my foot to that rock song while wearing a headband and pearls. I can and will be my own person. A person that builds off of other’s positive qualities and learn from others faux pas. And I will most defiantly make my own uh ohs and have the moments where I just wasn’t to slide under the desk and disappear for a little while. And that’s OK as long as at the end of the day I say my prayers and thank God for that learning experience, because that’s all life really is, one big learning experience. I’ve never lived this day before and no one else has either. No two people are exactly alike, no two snowflakes are exactly alike, no two days are exactly alike. So today I stop apologizing for learning, I stop asking for someone to sign off on my next move, I go.
Love, hugs, and no more signatures- Molly.
It’s a little too soon to be pulling the whole “lists are getting longer, days are getting shorter'” thing but let’s be real; the to do lists keep growing and we are running out of time. I’m kinda hatin’ on this whole school thing. I have a week until I am on a campus I know next to nothing about, knowing next to no one and my homework isn’t done yet. Yuck. Yuck x1o. But I am quickly realizing that sometimes life isn’t always going to be color coordinated; my ducks won’t always be in a row, and labeling doesn’t always work. Life throws some serious curve balls and sometimes they hit us straight in the gut–unfortunately we don’t get to walk to a base when we get hit with these pitches, we gotta buck up and take them. Again, yuck. These pitches knock us off our A game and sometimes leave us limping or gasping for air, but we keep chugging on. We keep smiling, and reorganizing. We keep shaking hands and kissing babies. We don’t stop, we can’t stop. Sometimes Miley does say it how it is…as long as you take it out of context and don’t listen too closely to the lyrics… So my dears one step in front of the other, one check list after the other, and don’t forget to give the pitcher a flock every once and awhile. (Family joke—just tell the guy on the mound how you really feel). Some days you are going to cry over milk that hasn’t spilled, stub your toe on the corner you walk by everyday, and not cross one thing off your ever growing list and that is ok. On those days pour yourself an extra cup of coffee, enjoy a sweet dessert, and go to bed early because those days happen. So here is to those awful pitches, unorganized calendars, new things, long to do lists, and feeling defeated.
Um what. Is this some new hip term? Nope. Its me not really knowing how to describe how I’m feeling. I think that’s the worse. It’s one thing to know your mad or sad or upset but not knowing how you feel or why you feel it sucks. There is no way I can frill up that sentence. It just sucks. I feel like a teenage girl—EW. NO. NOT MY THING.
Mixed emotions suck.
Words are confusingly beautiful.
Beginnings are scary.
The future (even just the tomorrow future) is scary.
People say hi and bye too frequently.
The hellos are fab.
The good byes leave you wishing they didn’t fly home.
Hugs are a necessity.
Pink lemonade makes it all a little sweeter.
Late night girl talks are my fav.
Summer is no where near long enough.
Pep talks for others all of a sudden are for yourself.
HUGS PEOPLE I LOVE ME SOME HUGS.
Welcome to my world. So much thinking, so little getting done. But this is where I am today and that is OK. I am OK. Time isn’t slowing down and that’s OK. But soon OK needs to improve because the moment we stop trying to be better than OK, it turns bad. So tomorrow I will get up and go spend the day with 5 yr olds teaching them how to dance better than OK. So I will make tomorrow a step better than OK. Soon OK will be good.